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Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s vodka shots? One of the questions I get asked the most is how in the world do I get on stage and do stand up. I wasn’t born with super powers that allow me to not feel any judgement, nor do I pretend to be someone who doesn’t care what other people think.

In fact, for most of my life I would consider myself a MAJOR people pleaser. I’m a 9 on the enneagram folks. I am a true 9. Meaning my natural tendency is to keep the peace and I care A LOT about what other people think. So much, that I would often do or say things just to make people happy and at the detriment to myself and my own integrity.

So how did a recovering people pleaser scardy cat translate to having the confidence to get up on stage and tell jokes? I’ve come up with a few tips on how I gained confidence even when I’m felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to crawl into a hole and never return. At least until someone told me to!

If you’re afraid of it, you must do it! 

Sorry to break it to you, but this one is true. If you believe that life is meant for learning, which I do, you gotta move towards anything that scares the shit out of you. I’s a big indicator that there’s something amazing in it for you to learn or master. Stand-up was an extreme for me, but I needed the big lesson. When you conquer huge fears it flows over into every area of your life. Once I started, I felt myself being more honest and confident in all my relationships, including the one with myself.

Take baby steps (3 foot tosses)

I didn’t go from being a terrified to talk in class to killing it on stage. I took tiny little steps every day to achieve my goal. I took a stand up class, then I made it a goal to do 2 open mics a week. I also made it a goal to start speaking up more regularly. As I made progress, I gained confidence and I took on bigger things. One of my favorite tools for this is called the Kaizen Method. Kaizen is an approach to creating continuous improvement based on the idea that small, ongoing positive changes can reap major improvements. Accomplishing small tasks builds self-trust and integrity with the most important people in our lives, ourselves! To learn more about the Kaizen method check out one of my favorite books here .

Stay curious 

Ask yourself questions and instead of judging the answer, keep what the people call a beginner’s mind. A beginner’s mind refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner would. It’s key to gaining true confidence at any level.

Visualize yourself as you want to be 

Begin with the end in mind! If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere, and you may not like it! It’s always a good idea to lay out what you want to accomplish. There are so many fun ways to do this. One of my favorite ways to do this is to grab a friend who’s down to clown and talk to them as if your dream has already happened. So, it might look like this.

You: Duuuuude you will never guess what I did last night?

Fun friend: What?

You: I was on stage speaking too 4,000 people!

Fun friend: That’s amazing TELL ME MORE!

You: OK, you should have seen their faces! Everyone was laughing and having the best time! I remembered all my lines and I was killing it! I felt so alive and on purpose. The room was LIT UP!

They key here is to really focus on the feelings you want to feel when you achieve that confidence or that goal. Find someone that wil get you amped up. Our minds don’t know the difference betweeen reality and a well imagined fantasy! When we focus too much on form, we miss the magic. You are looking to call in the vibration, not necessarily the venue, the timing, etc. Leave the details up to your higher power, universe, God, whatever term works for you.

Our minds need somewhere to go. How often do you make things into worst case scenarios? A teacher once told me it’s foolish to lose in your own fantasies. The future is always made up, might as well make it amazing!

Although this is a very surface level explanation of what I have done to gain more confidence, I hope it helps you at least get some ideas. One of my main encouragements in additon to these tips would be to watch that inner critic. How you talk to yourself while you’re leaning a new skill is so imporant. You would never critize a new baby learning to walk, treat yourself with the same kindness when learning anything new. After all, we are here to learn and grow!

xx

Andrea

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

Real talk guys. How hard is it to put your kids to bed? If it’s easy stop reading and please never contact me again. At my home, it can range anywhere from a minor annoyance to a DEFCON 10 situation. Most of the time it’s somewhere in the middle, but I can tell you one thing: I’m always happy when it’s over. It’s the time that I finally get to myself. Sometimes, I don’t even know what to do with myself. Should I read? Learn a new language? Fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix? The possibilities seem endless. Most of the time I end up finishing work emails that I left by the wayside or read a book that I have been meaning to catch up on. Recently, TruMoo has my heart. 

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

One thing I love to do is treat myself. Nothing crazy. I mean if it’s crazy that’s ok too. But I love a little something to celebrate the day and the transition to the day when it’s all about me. If even just for a sip. I love chocolate. Dark chocolate, wine, and no one touching me is the motherhood trifecta of perfection. When TruMoo asked me to try their new “adult ” milk beverages I was so excited. I love the idea of taking something that normally belong’s to my kids and making it mine. Maybe I’ll talk to my therapist about that one? 

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

I came up with a few steps to treating yourself guilt free :

  1. Put those suckers down. Just do it. You’ve had them all day and now it’s time to stop thinking about them for at least 30 min. You can worry about their future later. 
  2. Change into something comfortable. Sweatpants if you’re into that sort of thing. I prefer fancy nighties cause I’M WORTH IT! 
  3. Put on some relaxing music. 
  4. Grab a book or cue up Netflix. 
  5. Pour a glass of your favorite TruMoo flavor, or better yet try all of them and make it like a little wine flight (available at Target or locate your store here ). 
  6. Wake up happy that you didn’t down a half bottle of wine but still managed to feel like the bomb ass mom that you are!

Andrea levoff, dope ass mom, trumoo

I really hesitated to write this post. First of all, who really cares what my goals are besides me? This is the time of year that everyone is thinking about all the things they can improve. I mean, do I really need to add to that nonsense?

Secondly, Jan 1st has so much hype and much pressure that comes along with it. We all know what normally happens, we get started with a bang on January 1st with “I’m no longer yelling at my kids.” Fast forward to February 14th, and I’m making Mommy Dearest look like Mother Theresa I’m screaming so loud.

I asked myself a few years ago, why does this happen? I certainly don’t want to be the type of person that is always yelling at my kids or doesn’t follow through with my promises.

I’ll save you all the stories and heartache it took me to get here but what I have learned is that goals that aren’t attached to a strong and emotional reason will fall away. Why? Because there’s no compelling reason to actually do them.

Honestly, most of us are just lazy and stuck in our old habits, myself included. For example, having a goal of a clean home is great but at the end of the day I’m tired and really want to watch Narcos on Netflix.  However,  keeping a beautifully, organized home to free up my creativity and time so I can focus on my goals is way more compelling.

Losing weight is not specific, but creating radiant health so that I can I live a long enough to love my family and experience all the juiciness of life. Sign me up!

The more you connect with the emotional state you will feel once the goal has been accomplished, the better.

Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk
Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk

I wanted to share with you guys a few intentions that I have for myself in 2019. Always remember, there is really nothing special about January. Never feel like you are behind of that it’s too late. Just make a plan and start!

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Love the people in my life WELL

If you matter to me this year, you are going to know. I’m going to be less about my phone and more about in-person connection. I’m planning more one and one dates with my kids. This week I’ve started overloading them with praise at even the smallest actions. Too often I focus on all the things that I believe they need to change, so this year I’m going to make it an intention to focus on loving the person that they are. The one that stands right before me imperfections and all. Look out friends, I’m coming for you too!

WHY – I truly want the people in my life to know how special they are to me and that they matter. I want my kids to remember me as someone who loved them unconditionally. Plus, how yummy is that love state ya’ll?

Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk

Hang out with more people who are creating truly amazing things

I believe we are the average of the 5 people we hang out with the most. I’ve already got an 8 and 6 year old so I need to pull up my average. I have so many people I admire in my social circle for the things that they are creating in the world and this year I plan to reach out to them.

WHY– I have so many things I want to create. Why waste time with people that don’t have the same values when it only serves to bring down my average? Plus being around people doing greater things will encourage me to step up as well. Peer pressure at it’s finest.

Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk

Invest more in my myself and my personal growth

I’ve learned that this is really the holy grail of my happiness for me. If I’m not growing, I’m stagnant, and I hate being stagnant. I love to be challenged and to learn new ideas and concepts.

WHY – If I can’t invest in myself what good am I to my friends, family, and to the world? I’ve never once regretted money that I’ve spent on myself or my growth. I learned early on that this was important for me. Since my kids were babies I’ve received my degree in spiritual psychology,  attended conferences, and have always had coaches to hold me accountable. I see this as a non-negotiable for my wellbeing.

Write everyday

Writing not only helps me create content but it actually keeps me sane. It helps me sort through issues and creates breakthroughs if I’m stuck with a problem. There’s a higher intelligence activated when we write by hand and not on a computer, so I’m going to try and do more handwriting this year.

WHY – this is twofold. Writing unlocks my creativity and it also serves to keep me in a mentally healthy state so I’m able to achieve some of my other goals for the year.

Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk, mom style

Stand Up

This has been a hard one for me these past few years because of my schedule with the kids.   Yet, gosh does it light me up when I do it. I really intend to make more time for this and plan to make this a larger part of my year in 2019!

WHY – Simply put, I love it. I truly light up and it challenges me.

What about you guys? Do you struggle with new years resolutions and goals? Is there something you have been wanting to create but haven’t had the courage to try? I encourage you to try this exercise and think about your reasons. Please let me know how it goes!

Andrea Levoff, dope ass mom, intentions, intentions for 2019, goals for 2019, how to set realistic goals for yourself, mom tips, mom advice, advice for parents, mom talk, mom style, leopard dress

Andrea Levoff Thanksgiving, grateful, what I am grateful for, 2018 reflections, chicago blogger, mom blogger, mom styleAndrea Levoff, ALC Dope Ass Mom Grateful, Andrea Levoff Thanksgiving, grateful, what I am grateful for, 2018 reflections, chicago blogger, mom blogger, mom style

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Andrea Levoff, Thanksgiving, Andrea Levoff Thanksgiving, grateful, what I am grateful for, 2018 reflections, chicago blogger, mom blogger, mom styleOne thing I’ve noticed in my life, when I am sincerely thankful, life is easier. Taking the time to notice the things in our life that our good, truly makes room for more good. I’ve contemplated best practices to teach my children gratitude and what seems to work the best is to actually be grateful and let them see that. It’s easy to rattle off a perfunctory list at the Thanksgiving table, but to really feel it in your heart is a magnet for more miracles.

So here is my non-perfunctory list of what I am grateful for:

The challenges this year has brought. These growth opportunities, even though they were a bitch to go through, without them I would have remained the same. Change is scary but to me the scariest thing is not growing. I’m grateful for every coach and mentor I’ve had along the way because they always pushed me to step out of my comfort zone and try new things, even if it was just a different way of looking at something.

My family. They truly give my life meaning and support me everyday. They also provide me ample opportunities to heal on a deeper level when they trigger my hot spots.  My kids make me laugh and remind me to never take life too seriously.

My friends. The ones that I talk to everyday and the ones that I barely have contact with but are in my heart. I’m even grateful for the ones that taught me boundaries and the ones that I don’t talk to anymore.

My passions and dreams. Part of what drives me forward when I’m feeling like I’m making no impact is the idea of reaching more and people. I’m so thankful for my unique gifts and opportunities to help other people along their journey. I am so thankful to God for guiding me to live even deeper into my purpose.

Lastly,  I’m thankful for my readers and the blogging community! Without you guys I’d be talking to myself and writing with no one to read anything! A big thanks to everyone who has ever read a blog post, liked an instagram post or showed up to one of my events!

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Tips for creating a more positive relationship with social media, mom tips, how to manage screen time, positive social media tips, advice from a blogger on tips to using social media

I never realized how addicting social media could be until I started to blog more and more. I can’t count the number of times I’ve found myself mindlessly scrolling and comparing myself to other peoples highlight reels. As the year wraps up, I’ve made it one of my goals to be more intentional with my time. This includes one social media free weekend a month that I intend to complete next weekend!  One way that I have cultivated a healthier social media relationship is to make sure that I am showing a fuller picture of myself and not just the happy times to my audience. I’ve found that setting boundaries with social media helps me keep a healthier outlook on something I feel so lucky to call my job!

One of the big things I’ve been doing lately is that if I feel a judgment creeping up on my part, I silently say to myself,  “don’t’ be a hater” and poof it’s released! It always makes me giggle and releases the weight of the judgment.  You see, how people want to live their life on social media is really none of my business. What is my business is what I choose to create and what I choose to consume. Here are some tips to help you get to a healthier relationship with social media :

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1. As soon as you find yourself comparing, stop scrolling.

2. If there’s a certain account that causes you massive anxiety or Fomo, unfollow!

3. If there’s someone you love and that inspires you, comment and show them a lot of love!

4. If you find yourself mindlessly scrolling, you’ve lost focus. Throw on your favorite song and have a dance party or go for a walk!

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5. Use that handy feature on the new iPhone and set limits to have downtime.

6. Every time you mindlessly reach for your cell phone set it down and pick up your water bottle, take a big drink.

7. Keep your phone on silent or turn off social media alerts! Do you really need to see the moment your friend from high school’s cousin posts about her trip to Santorini?

8. Take your real camera with you on trips! Your pictures will look better and you’ll be less tempted to get out of the moment by getting sucked into social media

9. Set a bedtime for your phone. Treat it like your kids and make sure it’s down before you are. Then don’t pick it up. Just like you wouldn’t wake your kids up!

10. Pick a Social Media Free weekend and marvel in all the stuff you get done!

These tips have been really helping me maintain my sanity while living my life on social media lately. I’d love to hear from you guys! What are you doing to keep a healthy relationship with social media?

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