When I found out I was pregnant with a girl I had so many emotions. Excitement, joy, and a little fear and uncertainty about how to be the best girl mom I could be. Sure, I was girl but I was also a girl who was walking around with of bunch of misbeliefs about what it meant to be a woman. I was 28 when I had my daughter, in many ways I was still a girl finding her way in the world. Eventually I grew to understand the life lessons I wanted to teach my daughter but in the early days. I was still a hot mess sometimes.
Watching her grow from a baby girl into a young woman has been one of my greatest blessings of my life. It has made me think deeper about myself and questions some of the beliefs I held about the feminine before becoming a mother. Here are my 5 updated beliefs I hope to impart upon her.
1.Vulnerability is your superpower. We’ve somehow been conditioned to think that being vulnerable is weak. Don’t show your cards, keep your feelings to yourself. But true, authentic vulnerability is powerful. It takes courage to speak up and speak your truth. When we speak up, we give ourselves a message that we matter and that our feelings our worthy of consideration. It also provides us with the what we are truly seeking, deep meaningful relationships and connections. People see our vulnerability, feel safe, and get inspired to do the same with the people in their lives. I hope Anna always feels safe enough to be vulnerable and has the courage to show up for herself in this profound way.
2. Following your dreams is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. If she chooses to have a family, I hope she always makes room for her dreams. Taking time for yourself is so important when you are taking care of other people. Self – love is getting a lot of hype these days, but real self love is more than spa days and at home facials. It’s taking time and responsibility for your spiritual and emotional well-being.
3. Stay Curious. Anna is the most curious person I have ever met. Sometimes her curiosity drives me a little crazy when it comes in the form 0f 10,000 questions, but I love that quality about her. It serves us well in every aspect of you lives from our careers to our relationships. The ability to wonder “why” and is a gift given exclusively to humans. It’s been shown that curious people are happier overall and have lower levels of stress. Curiosity is great for relationships because it’s gives us the ability to empathize when we can understand how and why they are feeling a certain way.
4. Take up Space. When I was a little girl I somehow learned that women are small. We sit dainty, we don’t impose our feelings much less our person into other people’s space. Yet, the feminine form was meant to take up space. When we are in our power we are full and embodied. Not meek and small. We often engage in making ourselves smaller to make other people feel comfortable around us. Being told we are “too much” as children we learn that it’s not ok to fully be ourselves. Sometimes we end up walking around as an edited, acceptable version of ourselves. I want Anna to know that she was born to take up space and to own it!
5.Your biggest hurts will be your biggest gifts. The places inside that feel broken or shameful are what transform us and help us grow. While they might seems hard and like you are being punished, on the other side is always gold. These places inside, or these pain points are often what we come here to share with the rest of the world. I hope she learns to embrace the heartaches as growth opportunities and eventually share her learnings with others who might be struggling with the same growing pains. Getting out of yourself and into service is one of the greatest ways we heal our own pain and struggles.
What about you other mama’s with the little girls? I’m curious, what do you want to teach your daughters? Or if you don’t have girls, what’s one thing you wish you would have been taught? Let me know in the comments!