The mother/son relationship is so special. Sometimes I joke with him that he is welcome to live with me forever. As much I would love to cuddle and kiss him for the rest of his life, I know I need to prepare him to be a conscious man that will eventually have an important role in society and his family. I think we haven’t done enough for our boys and it’s time to change that.
When I look around at our current climate, it makes my heart hurt. I do think we as a society has contributed to this toxic masculinity that I see so rampant today and in the news so often. I treasure this little boy and his heart so much and I have been thinking lately about what I can do to make sure he grows up to be a healthy example of the masculine. Here are some steps I’m taking in hopes of raising a conscious man :
Crying is not a weakness – In fact, it’s the exact opposite! Nothing good comes from suppressing our emotions but somehow we have given our boys the message that it’s not OK to cry or be upset. Too often we say things like ” be a man! ” or ” deal with it.” In my opinion, this is absolutely crazy and giving them the wrong message. You can still be tough and cry. You can still be masculine and have sadness. How can we expect our boys to be sensitive to other’s needs if they can’t even recognize their own? If I can teach him to be with himself through the dark times, I know he will be able to hold space for others to do the same.
Be able to cook and clean – This is much for my son as it is my future daughter in law. How sexy is it when a man can take care of himself? Maybe not something I thought much about when I was younger, but now. … hubba hubba
Confidence and Ego are not the same – True confidence is an inside job. It’s knowing that you are worthy, capable and loved no matter what. Confidence is hella sexy. Ego is only concerned with appearance, how things look vs. how things really are. Ego is easily affected by outside opinion and mostly concerned with being popular. Ego is fragile. Confidence is steadfast. I want my boy to be confident and soul based. Not ego driven and cocky.
Laugh at your mistakes – Making mistakes is part of the human experience. Being able to laugh at yourself and be quick to learn from them is a skill that can be developed. I think one of my greatest gifts is that I don’t take anything too seriously. I’m hoping I can pass that down to my boy. Once we can laugh at them, we can own them. Being able to say, I’m sorry I hurt you, what can I do to repair this is the mark of a really strong man.
Attitude is everything – You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react. Managing your attitude and responses is one of the best things to learn as an adult. I’ve always been a glass half full person and I know that mindset is almost always the missing link when people are struggling. There’s always what happened and then the story we tell ourselves about what happened. Controlling what we say to ourselves about what happened is sometimes our only choice!
I see it everywhere now where men are being asked to stand forward and be better versions of themselves. I think it starts at home with our boys. Teaching them and loving them and allowing them to express without feeling judged for being weak. I think it’s up to the awakened mom’s like us to do our part to shepherd them into the healthy masculine so that one day they can hold space for the beautiful feminine. What do you guys think? Is there anything you are doing for your boys that feels different from the way you’ve noticed boys being raised in the past?